Mr. Boots Goes to Clunker Heaven

Fare thee well Mr. Boots. The Cash For Clunkers program is seemingly tailor made for my old truck. Mr, Boots was 'born' in 1986 and was one of the very first Dodge Dakotas to roll off the line...1987 was the first model year. Boots went through four owners and still only had 53,000 miles under his belts. The first owner was a guy up in Moberly - a retired farmer - who got him through the Orschlen dealer. Orschlen is a big name in farm supplies but I didn't know they sold cars or trucks but I guess they did in Moberly. I think that first owner barely drove the truck but he kept meticulous records of every oil change and each visit for service. The second owner lived in Columbia and Mr. Boots surely fit in well with the black and gold crowd. That owner also didn't drive the truck much and eventually the truck was traded in. The third owner was a guy here in Jefferson City that lived over on Moorland Drive so Boots probably had a pretty cushy existence for a while. The third owner must have only driven Bootsy around town or maybe to football games in Columbia but he traded the truck in at the Ford dealer out in California Missouri in 2003.

I was looking for a truck to haul Jill's stuff back and forth to the University and just happened to be in California about a day after the truck was traded in. The salesman said that the truck was a "Cream Puff" and he sure was -- a low mileage V-6 and he looked good, inside and out. He was a 'luxury' model with a bed liner and cassette player and AC and arm rests and cruise control and those little clear plastic rain awnings on the side windows. He still has his big shade visor over the windshield but I took off the plastic bug guard that was in front of the grill and hood. When I got him he had about 34,000 miles on the odometer so I put almost 20,000 miles on him - more than any of the other owners.

Boots was always pretty much of a fair-weather truck. He couldn't manage slick roads and would fish-tail on slightly damp pavement. Ice or snow was out of the question. I think the V-6 engine was a little over powered for his weight which might have been an issue.

In his old age he developed a fuel leak and I had him in to the shop twice but they couldn't find the leak. He also had a carburetor and most mechanics rarely see a carburetor any more. There was one old guy at the Dodge dealer that could work on him but he was ready to retire. His advice was don't put any more money in the truck but run the hell out of it because it needs to be driven. That is a little hard to do when it leaks gas and can't be trusted on wet pavement but we did our best and got close to 20,000 miles. The AC died and the mechanic said let it go because Boots used the old coolant and he couldn't be fixed.

The ice storm in 2007 took out most of the black paint...somehow the ice bonded with the black paint. When it melted or when I brushed it off the top layer of paint came off too. I took it to a paint shop but they wanted $2,800 just to redo the black.

Boots always passed inspection - even when I was sure he wouldn't. In March and April I had him in the shop and replaced his belts and water pump and he got new tires. We made a trip to St. Louis to pick up some stuff from Kelly's but that trip seemed to take a lot out of him. His preferred cruising speed had always been about 55 mph...any more than that and it caused some strain. On the way back from St. Louis he seemed to be laboring at 55 and favored a slower speed - around 45 mph. He was carrying furniture and the added weight might have been a factor but after that trip he seemed much more geriatric. The incontinence got worse and he started back-firing or coughing from deep inside his pipes. In June and July his preferred speed fell to about 35 or 40 and he seemed to be getting the DTs.

That's when the Cash for Clunkers program was starting up. I had a fantasy vision of getting enough money saved to get Mr. Boots fixed up so he could go to New Mexico and live where there was almost no rust. As I tallied up the various things that I would need to do - head gasket, hoses, maybe a new gas tank or gas line, fuel pump, paint job, battery cables and who knows what else...the cost of repair quickly added up to a hefty sum and when I was done I would still have an ancient truck that I couldn't sell for much and that I couldn't count on. When I bought Mr. Boots I think I paid $4,200 and the government was now willing to give me up to $4,500 if I would turn it in on a new truck. They estimated that the '87 Dakota truck got 17 mpg and maybe he did before he started leaking but now he gets about 7 or 8 or maybe 10 on a good day.

I ended up trading him in for a little Ford Ranger and they gave me $3,500 in clunker value and another $4,000 in rebates so that means the monthly payment on the new truck is less than I'd be spending on Mr. Boots just to keep him running. So essentially I guess I could say I've had pretty much free use of a truck since 2003 since I'm getting almost what I paid in the first place plus the rebate. Well, so long little buddy!!!

We went out for a drive tonight - cruising Missouri Blvd. Of course I had to put some gas in it because most of the gas had drained out. It was dark so I had the headlights on. One of the lights droops so bad that it shines a beam on the pavement about six feet in front of the truck. The other one is a little cross-eyed but does the job. We cruised through McDonalds and I got a small milk shake and then proceeded down Missouri Blvd. - of course hitting all of the stop lights...Mr. Boots doesn't do stoplights well. Some snot-nosed kid pulled up next to us in his daddy's pick-up and reved his engine --- yeah, right --- Boots is a lot older than the kid. He sped off when the light changed and we chugged a little but established forward motion and moved off down the street. We got on highway 50 and headed back home. Boots got up to about 53 mph but I was afraid he would have a stroke so we backed down to about 45 and he did OK. Tomorrow I turn him in and he goes to Clunker Heaven - he'll have a quick end and maybe donate a few parts along the way.