In Praise of Moms -- The Cavalcade of Idle Threats

Aren't Moms great. Don't you really appreciate them after you are grown up and can look back in a detached way and think..."Gee, I wonder if anyone ever got their mouth washed out with soap?"  That was one of the classic threats and it worked -- you didn't repeat that word -- at least not around her. But I don't know anyone who ever got their mouth washed out -- or who was dumb enough to test it.  


Moms always had a full arsenal of threats.


 "I'm going to wear you out!!"  Really?  Not likely. I had a 2nd grade teacher that always said that, too, and she never wore anybody out.  Quite the opposite...we had her on the ropes almost every day.


 "Wait 'til your father gets home....he's going to tan your hide!!"  Yeah, right -- sounds like a hotline call is in order. Tanning my hide? With me in it?


 "Don't you leave the table until that plate is clean!!  Eat all of it!!"  Okay, sometimes that worked...after a while. It usually worked better in the summer after daylight savings kicked in.


 "Your face is going to freeze like that!!!"  This was often said during the heat of summer. Somebody's face must have actually froze like that sometime in the dim past because there is no real logic to this and Moms wouldn't have made this up. That was probably the same kid who put his eye out.  


 "I'm going to knock you into next week!!"   Wow...she has mastered time travel! Call NASA! What will my teacher think if I don't show up for school for a week?  She's going to have some explaining to do.


 "I can always tell when you're lying."  No she couldn't....she had about an even chance. This worked both for me and against me.


 "I can't believe you can live in this mess!"   Really? Well, why not?  I've been doing it and thriving for weeks...and my immune system thanks me.


 "If I want your opinion I'll ask for it!"   Oh, right...I won't hold my breath.


 "Keep it up and I'll give you something to cry about!"  Well, why...if I was already crying, why would she do that?


 "I'm not going to ask you again."  Ha-ha-ha-ha.  Let me write that down.


 "Tie your shoes...you are going to break your neck!"  There always seemed to be a lot of neck breaking going on but I never knew any kid who broke his neck from shoe laces.  Maybe it was that half-blind kid with the frozen face.


 "You can't find it? Well, where did you leave it last?"  Well duh...if I knew that I wouldn't be asking.


 And finally... "When you have kids of your own you'll understand."  Oh yeah? That never happened.

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